I never journal my life experiences until later,When I am thinking of how far I have come or when I am feeling weepy. I believe this is the LORD's way of telling me that I need to journal my life for my own sake and my children's. I use to think that I would never have anything to share in a journal because all my life stories were boring or just to complicated. I did not want anyone to the know the real ME. That would show all my weaknesses and have always been determined never to be weak. This where I have to learn HUMILITY.
But then I realized that I was depriving those around me of my life. Who I am to judge my personal experiences. Why should I hide from my life..JOYS or SORROWS. I have been so blessed to be here at this time and place. I been given many gifts and talents. We have been taught to share with others to help those around us become closer to the Kingdom of God. I hope that my small snippets of my life build you up and bring comfort when you feel all is lost. I hope that you may grow from my experiences and feel the love that I have felt from my Heavenly Father.
Today marks the beginning of 2014. It begins with me coming to the understanding that I did just turn 40!! I really need to focus on what I bring to my FAMILY. Who I am as their MOTHER. How am I helping them to GROW, LEARN, ACHIEVE, and GAIN SELF WORTH. I struggle with those 4 major factors in myself.
To better help me be a better MOTHER, WIFE, FRIEND, because I am not getting younger as you can see I am 40, I needed to really focus on journaling my LIFE STORY. I really needed to reflect on my GOALS, DREAMS and IDEALS that I want our FAMILY to have. I want to look back at 2014 and see where I have come and how hard I have worked. I believe by writing down what is happening that I can see the mountains that I have climbed. Whether they were GOOD or BAD. This is a FABULOUS YEAR!! I am 40! I am a MOTHER of 5! I am a WIFE to s SUPER HERO! I am ME! I hope this experience will help me with my insecurities and help me really see what my FATHER IN HEAVEN sees. This is my desire.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
There was so much that we did in such a short time that we were exhausted when we returned back to WASHINGTON. We love all of our family so much and there was no way I could post all the fabulous pictures that were taken. We miss you already!!!!
Mackenzie is loving her new school, friends, and living in SUNNY California. With lots of faith and trust in the LORD I know that WE as a family have the done the best for her. It is now up to her to follow her heart and make the BEST choices. She has already shown such growth it is amazing. I knew that she was an amazing GIRL, she just had to find out for herself.
Thank you to everyone that had posted such sweet words. I realize that I am not in this alone and that I have so many people that love me that I will NEVER be alone. You are all truly amazing friends that inspire me every day to be my best.
I could not have done this alone. I thank my very best friend, JIM. Without him I would have never have had any of these special spirits from my Heavenly Father. He sees in me what I don't,loves me for who I am and pushes me to be better. I am truly blessed. No matter what heart aches or blessing come my way, I can endure to the end. I can rejoice in what matters most---MY FAMILY!!!!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
For many reasons that are unknown we chose to make choices that do not reflect who we are or who we want to be come. But rather we lose ourselves in the choices of others merely to fit in and be accepted. We think that we can be strong. We think of ourselves as that one person the can save those who have lost there way. We try with all our might to be strong, to remain strong in time of great conflicts and to be the one that never strays. Then out of nowhere we find ourselves slowly leaving all the decisions that we made not to stray slipping out of our hands. The power to fit in becomes greater than the COURAGE TO STAND STRONG.
The power of EVIL influences are so great that we are blinded by its obvious substandard to our true beliefs. There is no longer BLACK and WHITE to our choices. Everything now has shades of GRAY. There becomes no distinction between RIGHT and WRONG. There are no consequences to our actions. We are allowed to do what ever we want because the WORLD does not pose any TRUE consequences. Why would anyone want to chose all RIGHT choices if the world does not rejoice in this simple way of living?
We were sent here to this earth with our FREE AGENCY, but with that also came others with their own FREE AGENCY. How can we SAVE our children from a HURTFUL world that so strongly opposes truly being GOOD? How can I as a mother possibly save "my sheep" when the society in which we live is at war with all that I stand for? Where am I to turn when I have become the Shepard that lost one of HIS sheep?
Yes, I Janeal Proffitt lost one of "my sheep" and have not yet been able to come to terms with how I went wrong. Where did I FAIL with my parenting and how will this effect my other children?
I realized that I could no longer fight with my daughter. I had to make a very painful and prayful decision to let her leave my nest. Not forever but just for a period time so that she can find her strength and learn to FLY on her own. This is what is needed RIGHT NOW, RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT! She needs to feel the love I have for her without the TOXINS that plague our home. She needs to FIND HER WAY without having the influences that have strayed her from her TRUE path in life.
I am her mother but I am not that person to SAVE "my little lamb". She hates me for not letting her LIVE her LIFE the way she wants. How can a 14 year old child know what life they want to live?
The influences that were her FRIENDS had no direction,no purpose, no future and did not believe in GOD. They believed in what was RIGHT for that moment. It did not have to be RIGHT but if it made you HAPPY then it was RIGHT. I do not blame all of her choices on her friends because she has to be the one to make the final decision IN THE END.
We as women need to ban together to conquer the EVIL influences that surround our children on a daily bases. I have failed my child. I never saw the signs that she was straying. I tried to be the parent she deserved and wanted. I want to be the SHEPHERD that carries her back on my shoulders and celebrates with friends that she has returned home. This is my true desire. But it also has to be hers. That is the painful truth. We cannot carry someone back if they do not want to accept our invitation.
I pray that she will return a stronger person with a true conviction of who she is. That she will remember that she is A DAUGHTER OF GOD and to walk tall. Every decision has an impact on your life whether it be GOOD or BAD. Why make your life any harder than it already is? Make choices that REFINE YOU and not choices that DEFINE YOU.
I pray that she may find her way back home. I hope that this decision was not made in vain and she can feel the love that we all have for her.
4 What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it?
5 And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing.
6 And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost.
7 I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.
This is my prayer to anyone who has lost their way, or has had a child lose their way. That I know without a shadow of a doubt that my child may be lost but she will be found. Never give up. Never lose sight of who they truly are in their hearts. The Lord has never given up on me because he knows my true potential. It is I that has given up on myself. It is the self doubt that sets in and I lose my focus. I will never leave my daughters side. No matter where her life may lead her. She was given to me to teach her everything I know. I want to help her through this life and into the eternities. Without hope there is no future and without a future there is no hope.
My heart breaks for sending her away. But I rather let her go now for a second chance then lose her later. Time will mend what is broken. She is my Daughter no matter what. I will never give up. I will fight for your return.
I love you Mimi!!
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Jim has always been a runner,(something that I do not really like, I will walk forever but not run) but now he has Delaynie. They ran in a 5k on December 04 in Fairhaven. It was a beautiful wet day and pretty cold. But they dressed the part and ran their little hearts out.
Delaynie has been training with her Girls on the Run group from the YMCA. She really loved it and was so sad that this race signified that there group was coming to an end. They have been practicing and training since October.
Delaynie ended her run in 2nd place for her age group. Not to shabby being her first race. Jim was very impressed with her timing and the ability that she has to be a excellent long distance runner.
Here is the famous cheer:
GIRLS ON THE RUN,
GIRLS ON THE RUN,
GIRLS ON THE RUN WE RUN FOR FUN!
Delaynie now wants to continue running all the time and so does Jim. It is so nice that they have found something to do together. I love it!!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
When Hayden was 2 he told me that Heavenly Father had a Brother waiting for him in Heaven. This was not just a passing remark. It was a constant conversation that we had on a regular bases. Hayden was born with a sweet spirit that I have felt is very close to Our Father in Heaven. Being his mom I never wanted him to doubt his feelings but I also did not want him to lose Faith and what if it never came true. How could I explain this to a little boy who felt so strongly.
Well when I had Delaynie his little heart sank and he continued to tell me that his brother was waiting in heaven and it was not just his time to come. This was now from a 5 year old. I really was not sure if I wanted more children. I struggled with postpartum, Jim starting a new career and are life was no where near adding another child.
We went through our struggles and finally we decided that we should add a 4th child to our family. I prayed for Hayden's brother. I wanted this to be the answer he was waiting for. I wanted this to be the beautiful ending to our family. This last pregnancy was to be it. I knew in my heart that I could do this one more time. I knew that I could add one more spirit to our family and that we would be complete.
This would not be hard. I has 3 helpers and my life seemed to be some what easy.
Well that is never the case in my life. Jim was called to serve on a special ops with the Border Patrol and was never home, I was so sick and 3 kids were not as easy as I thought. I continued to pray for strength to get through this LAST pregnancy to full fill my sons desire. Now I do not want you to think that I just got pregnant to see if his prayers were to be answered. We truly felt blessed that this was the right time to add another child to our family.
But with all things in life trials come when we least expect them. Jim was now called to go away for 10 weeks to train to become a K9 handler. I knew i could do this and that we would be okay.
While he was gone we had the opportunity to see what this beautiful baby was to be. I packed all the kids int he car, took a dear friend to help me and we were off to see this beautiful baby BOY. Before the tech showed us the picture I had this burning feeling in my heart that this was not the brother Hayden was waiting for. The tech showed us the picture of this beautiful baby and announced that we were going to have another sister. I was happy but then a burst of tears came from each child's eyes. There was this uncontrollable crying that I could not console because I was still getting pictures of our beautiful daughter that was to join our family.
I looked at Hayden and he said."Mom I am so sorry but I know that I have a brother, where is he?" I could not even answer his question. I had no answers for him. I thought I had prayed hard enough for us to add a brother to our family. But it really was not going to happen. I called Jim and cried. The kids could not even be excited. All I could think about was Reagan and how she must feel. We really did love her and I knew that she would be a blessing to our family and the best ending to our family.
Well, like I said, you can never plan what you really want. Heavenly Father always knows what is BEST. When Reagan entered the world I thought that I would have this overwhelmingly feeling of being done. She would be placed in my arms and are family would be complete. Everyone would love her and she would be the one to bring us joy. I would never need to be pregnant again. Well I was wrong. When she came and I held her I had this burning feeling in my heart that I will never forget that she was not our last. She was the one that needed to come to us at this time and that I would have another son.
This was a scary thought. I just had given birth and I was not thinking of doing this again. My heart was broken. I did not embrace this beautiful THOUGHT like I should have. Instead I made it a burden. I did not enjoy Reagan's birth like I should have. I became depressed and very unhappy. I hated the thought that I was not done. I fought the feelings that consumed my mind. I loved Reagan. She was a beautiful baby that was so easy and wonderful. Each one of the kids just loved her. She brought absolute joy to our family. But yet I was unhappy. I was not listening to the spirit. I was fighting it with every ounce of my being. How ungrateful. The Lord had given me 4 beautiful children and he wanted to bless me with more. But I was unwilling to hear His words.
After of 3 years of fighting with the Lord( I do not recommend), I realized that we needed a baby. But this time I was content with another GIRL if that was his WILL. I prayed for strength that I could over come these feelings of hopelessness and that I could do this. I needed Him more than ever. Was this pregnancy easy, NO!!! It was very difficult. But I knew that I could do this.
Well as you know already we were blessed with a BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY. He was the answer to my sons prayers and to our family. I was filled with PEACE when he was born. My heart exploded with so much gratitude that I will never be able to explain. I have to admit that I was happy that I was not going to have to do this again. I also felt guilty abut about Reagan's birth. Had I loved her enough? Had I given her all the love that she deserved? This has haunted me since she was born. I again became depressed. Why? I had a better marriage than I had had in 14 years, we had the brother that was waiting to come to our family and life seemed GREAT. But know I dealt with the guilt of how I felt after Reagan's birth.
I write this for myself so that I may remember all that I have overcome to get to where I am. I have realized that there is no greater GIFT than our children. We need to embrace each one that is given to us. Whether it be for a short time or our whole life. They come with many trials, heartaches, and joys but with HIS love and guidance we can make it. We can overcome all that is placed before us.
I have realized that everyone of my children are different. You can not parent each child the same. And what you go through with your own children is not the same for everyone. I have also come to realize that just because we teach our children RIGHT and WRONG it is ultimately up to them to decide. Just love them for who they are. They will come back, they will remember the truth, they will know who they are and where they came from.
I have been blessed with 5 beautiful children that were given to me at the RIGHT time and at the RIGHT moment in my life.
Today we celebrate Emmett's birthday with great joy and love!! He was waiting to come to our family and we have been blessed for it. Just like all my children. Blessings beyond measure.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY EMMETT!!
I love you