Saturday, January 1, 2011

Our Lost Little Lamb


For many reasons that are unknown we chose to make choices that do not reflect who we are or who we want to be come. But rather we lose ourselves in the choices of others merely to fit in and be accepted. We think that we can be strong. We think of ourselves as that one person the can save those who have lost there way. We try with all our might to be strong, to remain strong in time of great conflicts and to be the one that never strays. Then out of nowhere we find ourselves slowly leaving all the decisions that we made not to stray slipping out of our hands. The power to fit in becomes greater than the COURAGE TO STAND STRONG.

The power of EVIL influences are so great that we are blinded by its obvious substandard to our true beliefs. There is no longer BLACK and WHITE to our choices. Everything now has shades of GRAY. There becomes no distinction between RIGHT and WRONG. There are no consequences to our actions. We are allowed to do what ever we want because the WORLD does not pose any TRUE consequences. Why would anyone want to chose all RIGHT choices if the world does not rejoice in this simple way of living?

We were sent here to this earth with our FREE AGENCY, but with that also came others with their own FREE AGENCY. How can we SAVE our children from a HURTFUL world that so strongly opposes truly being GOOD? How can I as a mother possibly save "my sheep" when the society in which we live is at war with all that I stand for? Where am I to turn when I have become the Shepard that lost one of HIS sheep?

Yes, I Janeal Proffitt lost one of "my sheep" and have not yet been able to come to terms with how I went wrong. Where did I FAIL with my parenting and how will this effect my other children?

I realized that I could no longer fight with my daughter. I had to make a very painful and prayful decision to let her leave my nest. Not forever but just for a period time so that she can find her strength and learn to FLY on her own. This is what is needed RIGHT NOW, RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT! She needs to feel the love I have for her without the TOXINS that plague our home. She needs to FIND HER WAY without having the influences that have strayed her from her TRUE path in life.

I am her mother but I am not that person to SAVE "my little lamb". She hates me for not letting her LIVE her LIFE the way she wants. How can a 14 year old child know what life they want to live?

The influences that were her FRIENDS had no direction,no purpose, no future and did not believe in GOD. They believed in what was RIGHT for that moment. It did not have to be RIGHT but if it made you HAPPY then it was RIGHT. I do not blame all of her choices on her friends because she has to be the one to make the final decision IN THE END.

We as women need to ban together to conquer the EVIL influences that surround our children on a daily bases. I have failed my child. I never saw the signs that she was straying. I tried to be the parent she deserved and wanted. I want to be the SHEPHERD that carries her back on my shoulders and celebrates with friends that she has returned home. This is my true desire. But it also has to be hers. That is the painful truth. We cannot carry someone back if they do not want to accept our invitation.

I pray that she will return a stronger person with a true conviction of who she is. That she will remember that she is A DAUGHTER OF GOD and to walk tall. Every decision has an impact on your life whether it be GOOD or BAD. Why make your life any harder than it already is? Make choices that REFINE YOU and not choices that DEFINE YOU.

I pray that she may find her way back home. I hope that this decision was not made in vain and she can feel the love that we all have for her.


LUKE 15:4-7
4 What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it?

5 And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing.

6 And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost.

7 I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.

This is my prayer to anyone who has lost their way, or has had a child lose their way. That I know without a shadow of a doubt that my child may be lost but she will be found. Never give up. Never lose sight of who they truly are in their hearts. The Lord has never given up on me because he knows my true potential. It is I that has given up on myself. It is the self doubt that sets in and I lose my focus. I will never leave my daughters side. No matter where her life may lead her. She was given to me to teach her everything I know. I want to help her through this life and into the eternities. Without hope there is no future and without a future there is no hope.

My heart breaks for sending her away. But I rather let her go now for a second chance then lose her later. Time will mend what is broken. She is my Daughter no matter what. I will never give up. I will fight for your return.

I love you Mimi!!

19 comments:

Jennifer Miller said...

First of all you did not fail her! You are her mother that is still fighting till the end to save her, you are her rock and strength. It may take getting away to see that, she will return to your little fold stronger and better! hang in there my friend !

Vidal's Nest said...

Sheesh! I hear ya! Sometimes it feels like i've been punched in the gut when my kids are acting like that. I just am at a loss how to help them see that the choices they are making will never bring them happiness.
And it hurts when I become the enemy for trying to help them!
The teenager years are so dang hard!
Hang in there mama and keep the prayers coming!
We love you and your sweet family!
Much love and prayers!

James said...

First, I love you as much as I can love any of my daughters. Second, with tears on my keyboard, I am struck by your eloquence and spirit as you express in beautiful terms thoughts that many of us have had.

We are so looking forward to your visit next week. Let's make a game-plan while you are here.
Love you dearly.

Amy Mason said...

Janeal,
You are a lovely and strong mother. I admire your loving, honest words from your heart. Never forget each of our children are in the palm of God's hands. He will keep her safe. I will pray for her, for you and for your sweet children at home. Love to you, keep your chin up and know 2011 can turn out to be the best year ever! Love you, Amy

it all adds up said...

We love you and your family and will be praying for you guys! Hang in there!!!

Nicole said...

Oh the tears are flowing freely for you Janeal. Oh how my heart aches for you as a mom. To feel for a moment what our Father feels for us weekly, monthly, yearly....is not something for us to bear. But it takes someone who loves wholy and completely to be able to allow room for personal growth. Our God never leaves us, it is us who allows the distance. Just like you're not leaving but your allowing the distance needed to heal. What a hard decision you've had to bear my sweet friend. But God picked you to be her mom knowing that YOU would make the decisions and choices that would benefit her the most! You my love are an amazing mom inside and out! I've witnessed myself the love that pours freely out of you. And what I know to be true is that God brings beauty from the ashes. I'm praying for your family and YOU and I'm here whenever you need me!
A promise to cling to....
"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12

CTR Books & Gifts said...

I've been there, I am sure as I sit here, (far away in years from this pain, yet the memory of all I have felt was reflected in a glance at your sorrow Sunday), that she will be back, and you will survive.It's always been strange to me that kids turn away from the very ones that would sacrifice everything for them, and turn to the "friends" who would desert them in a heartbeat.
Grandchildren are the payback for all this, I promise.

Kristen said...

Hey friend,
I love Mackenzie and I love you and you are both in my prayers. You have always been a wonderful mother and an example to me! Hang in there....she will find her way because you have given her a good foundation. {{HUGS}}
Love, Kristen

Shelli said...

I felt shocked -- cheated -- when everything I had done "right" in raising my children wasn't enough. I still wonder what I could have done more to save my children from the pain of some of their choices. I'm convinced that more goes on behind closed doors within families than we ever see from our interactions in church.

All I can tell you is that dark days don't last forever. That you love, love, love them, no matter what, and they will remember that. And eventually, everything will be OK. No matter what you have to do to get there.

We will love having her out here, and we'll try to get our girls together as much as possible. We love you!

Juli said...

You said what we all feel. Plus, you said it in such a beautiful way! Thank you for putting words to all of us Moms who needed the words and reminder that Heavenly Father is there for us and our children.

Nutsonurse said...

Oh Janeal, I'm so sorry that you are having such a tough time. No matter what, just love her. Hope and pray, pray alot. Been there, done that. In fact, am still doing it. Just know you are doing the right thing.

We love you.

kristifritzel said...

What more can I say that we haven't already said? I love you. I am grateful to have you as my sister. You are in my prayers. And, oh, how I miss you.

DANI KYNASTON said...

Janeal
I am so sorry you guys are going through this. I am at a loss for words of comfort but I do love you guys! We will add special prayers for your family. I heard a quote once that said something to the effect that our greatest successes and failures will be in our home. I never felt the truth of this hit so hard until I was a mother. Right now it will be easy to focus on your failures but remember that just as miserable as our failures are, our successes are just as magnificent. You guys are great parents. The Lord will see you through this. Just as she is your lamb, you are His lamb. He will carry you until you can walk on your own again. Call if you need a shoulder to cry on.

Shelli said...

One more thing, that just came to mind. Remember that we are sent here to learn "by our own experience" the good from the evil. How else can we come to know Christ except through our mistakes, our humble repentance, and the beauty of His atonement applied in our lives? We all fall, and He is always ready to catch us, to catch our sweet Mimi. Have faith in that.

Ginger said...

Just know how much I love both of you. Tears,prayer and hope is all I can offer.

Suzann said...

I know I already sent you a message, but I was so touched by the love and support you could feel from everyone that commented here. You and your family are truly loved. You are all in our thoughts and prayers.

The Ferguson Family said...

I was thinking about Mackenzie, A LOT... ALOT, lately. I had the great privilege of serving with your amazing daughter. She has a tremendous amount of potential and I KNOW she will amount to that, if not exceed that.

You ARE a great mother. She was sent here to YOU to be in your family and not by accident. Completely and totally on purpose, as part of "the plan". A lot of her qualities reminded me of you. And like you, she will power through these difficult times.

As I read this, I thought, "I hope Janeal sends this to her" because this is a very powerful and sincere journal entry. I also thought about how we all need to be converted to the gospel(even if we've grown up being taught it) and I feel like we need to be converted in all areas and at different times in our lives. We all need testimonies of all the different gospel principles, doctrine, etc. When she comes back to the light, she will be much stronger (and so will others from her example).

Your other children will learn much from this. I bet they might even dig deeper and doing so, love what they've been taught of the gospel even more than before.

You and your husband have made a huge sacrifice. "Our willingness to sacrifice is an indication of our devotion to God. People have always been tried and tested to see if they will put the things of God first in their lives."(gospel principles ch.26)

I love ya and I will keep you and the fam in my prayers.

Lynda said...

Jeaneal:

This is one of the most beautiful love letters I've every read. You brought tears to my eyes and I wish I could help you carry your burden. My heart hurts for you.

Like a few people said, been there done that. It hurts and you can only feel like you've lost something that is precious to you. But you have to trust that you have done all the right things as a parent, and sanity will return at some point in time.
It's always easiest for teenagers to think they know more and their way is better than the old folks. But when they have been instilled with wonderful values, in the end you have to believe the values they've learned will overcome the values that their friends don't have.
I'm hoping your daughter realizes how much love she has been rasied with and understands that away from home is heartbreak and mistakes.
Bottom line is that at 14, sometimes kids are really dumb. They do make mistakes. Hopefully not life shattering ones.
You and Jimmy are great parents and have a wondeful family. My thoughts and prayers are with you all!
Love,
Aunt Lynda

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